Mother like a Monk (even a little bit)

I love The Motherly Podcast.  In this week’s episode, Elizabeth Tenety mentioned slowing down to do seemingly ordinary tasks, like taking a shower or getting dressed, as a means to wellness.  This made me immediately think of the English abbeys I stayed at while backpacking through Europe in my 20s.  The monks and nuns often moved slowly in doing dishes, in conversation, and in prayer.  Even housework (no one gasp) was a sacred act.  I try to remember this when folding a mountain of laundry or my family is nowhere to be found for after dinner clean up.  

Yet I’d love to explore what Elizabeth was referring to - how we slow down for ourselves.  

One of the big ways I’ve slowed down over the past 6+ months is, well, through getting quiet periods.  Or am I actually a meditator?  Who knows. I’ve always been one to resist labels and prescriptions so when someone along the start-up journey told me this year to “simply get quiet and know” I was game to try.  

So that is what I did for the first few weeks, I just got quiet sitting on the floor and listened to my breath for as long as I could, which was for about 5-10 minutes at first. I remember in some yoga class where they taught us to view our thoughts without judgment and as leaves floating their way along the river.  So I did that. And It worked. I kept doing it, read meditation how-tos only minimally, and have developed roughly a 20 minute daily routine for the past 6 months.  If I skip a day, I feel it.

The main objections other parents have about trying it is 1. They don’t think they can be still for even a few minutes 2. Their mind races with too many thoughts so what’s the point and 3. How can you even find 5 minutes of quiet in your house.  I’ve struggled with all of those things and they can all be overcome with a little inner engineering.  

Yesterday, my kids simply would not quit banging around the house and even barged in on one of my sessions asking for a computer charger yesterday.  I had to slip out of the meditation well (is this even a thing) for a sec to tell my daughter “not now” but I sort of was able to slip back for the last 5 minutes - it was far better than no meditation at all.  Sometimes I use the background noise as a little challenge.  I make an active choice to double down on focusing on my breath and what’s inside because it always seems there is more gold “in there” versus “out there.” And the thoughts, oh the thoughts, I just don’t judge whatever comes and imagine that thought, a worry, or anything else floating away like the leaves… it’s helpful.  Focusing on the general in and out of the breath is really powerful too, and being open to wherever the quiet takes you.  It’s pretty mysterious and magical what is happening inside of all of us if we learn to listen. I now look forward to the time when I can “go in” to greet what’s there with curiosity and kindness.  Occasionally it’s an interesting insight, an image, or something else that usually appears sort of dream-like and nonsensical.  Mostly, I’ve found it’s an opportunity to bring yourself the warm glow of love and caring like maybe no one else can, right in that moment.  To paraphrase Mary Oliver, I often think meditation is simply a space for the soft animal of your body to love what it loves, unjudged. Placing your hand on your chest can often further imprint these comforting thoughts and feelings.   

That’s basically it, and I suppose it’s a practice of mine by now.  I wish for all parents some of this quiet, slow time.  I promise you, the key could be resting right under your nose (the breath) and you can create this gift of self-quiet and awareness truly anywhere, anytime.