The Big Hairy Secret Among Working Moms

There’s a hush-hush secret that has been passed around on playgrounds and by the water cooler for many working mothers: it’s often easier to go to our work-outside-the-home jobs versus our mom jobs inside the home.  I remember when I finally took the leap to work with a nanny when my son was about 6 months old.  As a new mom I was emotional about leaving my son, but I had secured an amazing nanny to care for him while I worked on a research post-doc.  I quickly grew accustomed to the relief and support I felt when doing the morning “hand off” with the nanny we worked with.  It felt good to get in the car (and yes, even while sometimes pumping breastmilk in that car), with my coffee, and with some peace on the commute.  It seemed like a huge relief and even luxury to be able work quietly on my research for several hours a day.  Work became a needed break from caring for my baby and home. 

I know there are careers that feel more intense than being at home with babies.  However, in my case, and in the case of many moms who have whispered in my ear on the playgrounds, we’d often share, “it’s easier to go to work [our day jobs] than stay home with the kids.”  It’s true for me that the hardest job I’ve ever had is being a stay-at-home mom (SAHM).  Don’t get me wrong, I’ve enjoyed the SAHM stretches of my mom-life career, but I’ve often found them to be the most challenging and exhausting: the constant chores, managing moods and activities, the zero trips alone to the bathroom, not to mention the sometimes loneliness it all.  It was the biggest relief when I could work with the support of great in-home caregivers by my side.  It was a relief to know my kids were being well cared for and also learning and growing with a person other than myself.  We need to recognize and normalize the support of in-home caregivers, work through our mom guilt, and honor all the value that in-home caregivers provide for children and families.