Coming to the end of 0-5 Years Old Space

I can’t believe I’m saying it but I will have a kindergartner and a third grader in just a few short months.  They both will wait for the big yellow school bus.  They both will have full days of school.  At the same school.

I need a minute to let that sink in.

I know I’ll probably have a good cry in the driveway when my most favorite little people climb on that bus in the fall, but I also expect another, major feeling.  A feeling of relief.

I didn’t fully expect to be the primary parent who would shoulder the lion’s share of domestic work to the extent that I have over these past 8 years.  I thought somehow I could keep my academic career somehow humming along in some capacity.  For complicated reasons, this has not been the case and I have mostly accepted my role as the primary domestic parent over these past few “little kid” years.  I feel guilt over being what some may consider the Worst Feminist Ever for not fighting this harder – but I’ve fought and done the best I could to make a more equitable domestic situation for our family.  I know my kids are watching and I know my dreams and goals matter too.  However, I think what I’ve experienced is not uncommon, and there’s probably a lot of us moms who feel and have experienced the same.  One mom, Neha Ruch, of https://www.motheruntitled.com/ has made me feel less alone and more comforted in this in between space.  It is a massive privilege for one parent partner to be able to choose not to bring in a steady income, and I fully recognize this.  Although I am mostly at peace with my choice to step out of the full on academic hamster wheel, there are many questions and unknowns about this side-hustle/entrepreneurial work world I’ve taken to. 

Next year, when both my kids march on that bus, I hope to take a deeper dive into my projects to hopefully help other moms feel less alone and supported in this 0-5 journey.  And much of that comes down to having not just say a great daycare, but an ecosystem of support.  For much of these early years, I was always scrambling to find a reliable, safe person to come and assist with childcare and a few of the household items that were crushing me.  It was always like putting a puzzle together each time we looked for someone and it was exhausting.  We wholly need a more robust childcare infrastructure supported by our government, but we also need extra hands and hearts in the home who know what to do, and how to truly help a mom.  That’s it.  That’ll be the mission I dive deeper into when that yellow bus comes.  

I’ve been present for so, so many of the minutes, big and small, for both my kids’ 0-5 years.  I’ve enjoyed so much of it.  But it was hard shouldering so much, and the bewilderment of it all.  It need not be this way… I know there are people out there who know how to get in the bear dens with moms and provide that critical support.  I experienced that with a few, key nannies who really changed our family’s life for the better.  There has to be a way more moms can get support in working equitably with in-home caregivers.  A framework and method is needed, and that is my mission through www.sameteamchildcare.com

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So when that crisp fall day comes, and my littles are off, deeper into their worlds, I’ll take a little sigh of relief.  That I made it.  I made it to full(ish) days where my kids can be a smidge more independent and we can all grow in new ways, together.